Wunderbar

"Vere are my... pants?" Anxiously, Francesco began to search his flat and quickly realized his pet wolverine, William, was gone, too. Beginning to sweat profusely, his foggy mind wandered back to where it all began. The tiny highland Madagascan village of Antanabananabobana. The roadside open air cafe. The voluptuous siren waiting tables.... "Vhy did I order liver and onions for lunch", he wondered. "All I really vanted was a..."

 

'...beer'.
"And vhy oh vhy must I be so veak.....and vhy did someone not tell me that ravishing siren was not veally a voman?"

 

Francesco shook off the kinda-bad-but-not-as-bad-as-he-would-have-thought memory of Mr Ravishing and looked forward to the day ahead. First things first and that is find those damned pants. It's so hard to be taken seriously in this neighborhood when you walk around pantless.
As he starts the search for his favorite pants, he is interrupted by a familiar and welcoming voice. "Oh Francesco! Vy didn't you tell me you were back, I would have....

 

"...varned you against eating at that place....ve must get you to the hospital right away!!"

 

"but before I veel take you to zee hospital... you veel answer two questions...
#1, vhy are wee both talking zees way ven wee both are Canadian....eh? and...
#2, vhen you vere in zee tiny highland Madagascan village of Antanabananabobana....deed you see or touch....any Angs?

 

"soso! there was a siren named Angela. She told me the liver and onions vere wonderbar and said something about a ........"

 

....golden tree in the jungle of Antanabananabobana. Many have searched and none have found it. The siren told him about the legend of the golden tree. "Find the tree, make a wolverine sacrifice at its base and the tree will grant you a fruit. Eat the fruit and you will receive two wishes. William!!! It was slowly coming back. The trek through the jungle, stumbling upon the golden tree, and....

 

and....removing his drawers. His mind refused to think about William, as he stroked the new, slightly familiar fur collar on his t-shirt. As the memories started streaming back, he thought, " Wishes. Two wishes. Now, what were they again?" Precisely at the same moment, there was a rustle in the bushes outside. "I wonder..could it be...nah, surely not..." He picked up a bowling pin and advanced on the bush. Slowly, slowly, until....

 

until.... suddenly, from behind, the voluptuous Pseudosiren Velma grabbed poor Francesco around his scrawny throat. Huskily, she whispered in his ear. "You must not pick the white flowers. If you do, you will be fated to forever remain a..."

 

eunuch. i require that you satisfy my hunger for...

 

Beer! But then again I would also like some....

 

wonderbar! do you have one? it satisfies my deepest...

 

craving for beets and yak meat. Following Velma's advice he ignored the white flowers and pulled her toward the golden tree where he...

 

...asked her softly and slowly, "Have you seen my drawers? I've seemed to misplaced them and it's really cold on my nether regions, ifyouknowwhatImean." She looked deeply into his eyes, her eyes the color of cow patties, as softly said....

 

You have not nether regions! Here eat some Yak and...

 

and.. "Stop right there, woman", Francesco demanded. "What the HELL do you mean, I ain't got no nether regions. Look at THIS!"
As Velma looked down, squinting to see what Francesco was talking about, a crow flew overhead. Something fell from it's beak, landing at Francesco's feet. Startled, he jumped back, away from Velma and right into....

 

the gaping maw of the fearsome jabberwock. 'throw me a rope,' francesco cried. 'i'm...

 

a eunuch for christ sakes! I don't want to die before I can...

 

learn to keep all my balls in the air! at this point, the jabberwock...