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What is a diplomatic thing to do

Discussion in 'Everything Else Orchid' started by ntgerald, Mar 2, 2011.

  1. ntgerald

    ntgerald Member

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    when a friend drops by for a visit and asks for/begs for a cutting of a plant/a plant that you don't feel like obliging to?

    You know of course that her collection is considerably smaller than yours, but helping her expand it by giving away part of your most cherished possessions seems to be out of the question.

    Is it un-Christian-like or greedy to refuse?
     
  2. Jon

    Jon Mmmm... bulbophyllum...

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    Say you'd really like to let the plant get larger for a while before you take any divisions and that you'll put her name on the tag for a future division. Give her the same story enough times, and she'll either forget or get the hint.
     
  3. T. migratoris

    T. migratoris Active Member

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    I usually wave off requests like that by saying "Oh ... that's a tricky one to grow - it certainly won't survive in your growing environment".
     
  4. Kitty

    Kitty AKA\Debby

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    sorry, it was a gift.
     
  5. T. migratoris

    T. migratoris Active Member

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    Yep - I like that one best.
     
  6. Dale

    Dale New Member

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    "I'll keep you in mind if I ever have a division I want to get rid of."

    Then take them off your Christmas card list.
     
  7. Tom-DE

    Tom-DE Well-Known Member Supporting Member

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    I guess "People in hell want ice water too" wouldn't be a diplomatic answer, but what about just "No!", simple and honest.
     
  8. glen_On_Gulf_Coast

    glen_On_Gulf_Coast Glen_On_Gulf_Coast

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    Good answer, Tom. I don't mind telling someone "No". Sometimes I steer them instead to a plant that I can give away (I am a soft touch, but know when to stand my ground). I give away quite a few plants to the newer growers in our society, but I have a special colored tag in the ones that I will not part with, and I have made everyone aware of that fact.

    There are, however, exceptions. If it is a grower whose knowledge and skill in growing orchids is exceptional, I don't think twice about it. If I ever lose my plants (as I did in Katrina), I know that they will come back to me in spades. Yesterday I gave such a friend one of my Den. cuthbertsonii plants. I would not do that for just anyone!

    Glen
     
  9. EGOISTA

    EGOISTA Member

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    what's the matter? I think nobody can obbligate you to do something that you don't want do.....so
    a friend must understands it!

    this is a good response!
     
  10. Armando

    Armando Hobbyist gone wild

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    I think it would depend on the size of the plant. If it's a small plant most suggestions above would work. However if we're talking about a 25+ bulbs with keikeis falling off then it might be more difficult ;)

    Keep in mind that people will get offended very easily in this situation. I used Jon's suggestion once in the past and it didn't go very well. It was a small plant that was not ready to be divided so it was my honest answer.
     
  11. Forrest

    Forrest Really Neat

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    Start laughing hysterically and calling them names. That works. Trust me.
     
  12. Tom-DE

    Tom-DE Well-Known Member Supporting Member

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    "Oh, dear, I need to check the battery, I can't hear you very well"--Old fart

    "That is my late husband's favorite plant, you want some of his ash too?"--Old bitch

    "What! You think this is a wealth distribution center?"--The greedy bunch
     
  13. Marni

    Marni Well-Known Member Staff Member Supporting Member

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    In a case like this, I tell people I have a waiting list for divisions of this and if they want to send me an email to remind me, I'll put it on the list. Most of them are too lazy to even send an email. If they do, when I decide to divide the plant with the intention of selling pieces (that could be years or weeks), I let them know. In some cases I will give them a piece, ask them what they would like to trade for a piece or tell them the price.
     
  14. ntgerald

    ntgerald Member

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    Thank you, guys.
    Would it be okay to name the price, once an interest is expressed? The plant in question is not cheap.
     
  15. abaxter

    abaxter New Member

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    Absolutely state the price, Nelson. However, my advice is not very
    good because I generally don't allow anyone in my greenhouse unless it's a very special friend and very special friends don't have
    to ask.
     
  16. Tom-DE

    Tom-DE Well-Known Member Supporting Member

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    Absolutely you can name the price. Nothing is free. Just remember, some of your "friends" will always ask for something but never give back. A "price tag" will stop them from begging...
     
  17. jim4eq

    jim4eq Member

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    "I'll say it again, NO. It's a simple word, only two letters. Which letter did you not understand, the 'N', or the 'O'??"

    Actually used this on a tax client the other day, I said it laughingly with a smile and got her to laugh as well and back off.

    For plants, I've used the gift from a deceased friend also. I've also used "trying to grow it to a specimen for judging" (tho I never enter plants, *G*) and the rarity and/or difficulty. But I've devolved into the simplicity of NO.
     
  18. Kevin

    Kevin New Member

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    I realize I'm a bit late here, but I just don't understand why saying "no" has become such a dilemma for so many people. I swear it's a national epidemic. If I don't want to do something or give something away when asked to do so, I just say it - actually I probably wouldn't say an outright "NO", I'd probably say "Sorry, can't do that" or "Sorry I don't want to do that." I fully expect the same from people when I ask them for something or to do something they may or may not want to do. It's just more honest. Relationships are built on honesty, not guilt or obligations.

    "No" is not a bad word. Well, I guess it can be if you scream it, but there's usually no reason to scream it. (Politicians are exempt from that statement.)
     
  19. tenman

    tenman Well-Known Member

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    Laugh uproariously and say, "dream on!"
     
  20. Aceetobe

    Aceetobe Member

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    I'm usually fairly generous with my good plants mostly because I have good friends. The expectation & the reality is that if I ever lose the plant, they'll give me back the division, and vice versa. This is obviously to people that really know how to grow their plants, have sterile practices, etc etc.

    That being said, I don't "do" division requests unless I'm setting up a trade. I offer the division to the person and ask them if they want it. That is made very clear to anyone that asks.

    Obviously this is tough if you have much nicer plants than the person, but in general I care more about preserving my own selected divisions than I do about getting equal value in return.