Welcome to Hardy Cove!

in front of him was the word.....

youreallyfuckedupthistimeCarl. Suddenly, Carl was struck with an epiphany, his road to Damascus. Wiping the sweat from his brow, Carl realized that was no ordinary glass eyeball he'd just destroyed. He'd seen photos of the antique glass eyeball of the deceased Madagascan orchid taxonomist Alfred Grandidier in a book owned by his spinster Aunt Vicky. Reeling in agony, and wiping the sweat from his brow, Carl grabbed his cell phone and speed-dialed the US Consulate for The Malagasy Republic in Antananananarivoana-banana. *ring* *ring* *ring*

"Hello? This is the US Consulate for The Malagasy Republic in Antananananarivoana-banana. Mabel speaking. How may I help you. *snork*"

Wiping the sweat from his brow, Carl said "Hi, Babe. This is Carl Perrier again. May I speak to...."

 

"May I speak to you about a recent mishap? Perhaps over dinner..."

 

"Perhaps over dinner..."

of your favorite; creamed wolverine with extra capers and cranberry/mango salsa." Wiping the sweat from his brow, Carl said "But the reason I'm calling isn't really to pamper your feral appetite. I just wanted to know the name of your sire and who your..."

 

name of your sire and who your..."

friend got that wooden chest from??

Latter that evening. This wolverine is delicious, no one cooks it like you Carl. Dear Mabel, I am so glad you like it, its never the same unless you’re here to enjoy it with me. Now tell me were did that chest come from! That thing, Hmmm if my memory serves me, that was from Mr Breeze Indapants the Antananananarivoana-banana Minister for the Interior and Angracoid Botanical Rarities. Him, I guess that explains why the chest was painted white “Pass the salt would you” “Thanks” You know I found something in it…..

 

Meanwhile... back in New Jersey, Carl's brother, Mildred, staggers out of the Dairy Queen on Fifth and Maple. Slowly he turns around; wiping his sweaty brow, he slumps heavily against the brick facade of the building's 50's brick facade. As the doors slowly wheeze shut on their pneumatic closers the derisive jeering and cat-calls of the 13 year-olds slowly diminishes. "Damn", Mildred thought, "I didn't know I was supposed to...."

 

Whack them upside the head. I thought they'd do it themselves, or something.....
Why, even that Mabel has found a way......

 

...."Mabel has found a way to trap, er, I mean, attract a partner of her own, why can't I? Aren't I as smart and hard-working as Mabel? Okay, so there was that one time I.....

 

...accidentally slept thru, like, you know, the whole first semester of my freshman year but man, it made for some great stories."
Satisfied that he was still cool, Mildred straightened his ascot and set off for his next ....

 

set off for his next... ass-kicking, which he assumed would be right around the corner. And he was right! As he approached the cross-walk and looked both ways, of course, he heard a growly voice in his left ear. "Hey, Mildred. Dude. Don't look now but .....