The Devil Came to Town

he first had to figure out how to stop the psycho phone from ringing like some drunk with the DT's and then how to get that weird stain out of his ...

 

Toupee, it was also beginning to smell. And when he put it on, it made him look like a que ball with a slab of Roquefort cheese that had been left out of the fridge for a week. Looking into the mirror, and at the same moment as when the phone stopped ringing. There was deadly silence as he realized??? this was not his toupee but his pet lemming “Bungee”. You could hear a pin drop as he remembered the last place he saw Bungee, it was at the…

 

He wasn't no Dudley DoRight after all. He was an avian fetishist, and Miss Cleo was in need........

 

of a back massage. Carl thoughtfully obliged, picture the scene, there lying on an inflatable mattress was Cleo in all here glory looking more like a leather lounge than a satiny goddess, (the years had not been kind even though she hid her flaws well) Carl standing astride her back dressed in his finest mounty regalia, bright red jacket and puffy black pantaloons with his dead pet lemming Bungee stuck to his head and a rather agitated pelican strapped to his crotch. It was it this stage that Elvis left the building, and straight into a…

 

...bad porno movie.

He tossed the dead rodent and got back to the matter at hand. He had to find a way to clear head of all this fetish shit and clear his name. After all, his ......

 

problems began with the hand on his matter (ifyouknowwhatImean)...

 

...not a fact he was not proud of but what the fuck, it is what is is, right?

As he pulled on a pair of fresh panties, Carl felt invigorated, powerful. He thought, " What shall I do this long weekend? Where will I find my .....

 

kinky kicks. Maybe Miss Cleo and Thelma would be up for a threesome....anything to get these damn birds out of my mind...

 

.....Craig has a pussy??????.....i`m confused, although i am familiar with this type of aberration.....sorry to hijack the thread...carry on, please......errrr, where am i, wot page is this, where did Craigs pussy go.....far kinell

 

For the love of God man, FOCUS!

 

Get with the program you ol bugga. It was Zortan he had one and then had it replaced by something else. Jeeze Louise any one would think this thread was hard to follow!!!

 

orright, but it`s my 1st drink

 

I just saw `pussy` and my mind went blank....reminiscing i s`pose

 

No one told me you could bring in drinks, I thought the place up the road had the licence.

 

Now where were we; ah yes:- Anything to get those damn birds out of my mind....
It's all to much she thought. A slab of beer and a half pack of pain killers did the trick.
When she woke up, there was the smell of....

 

BACON! I smell BACON. Tis glorious, but where did the smell come from? She started to search around in the darkened place in which she found herself, but......

 

<< WTH is Carl doing putting on PANTIES ??? >>

all HE could find was some lettuce & tomato , now HE knew what to do with the BACON, give that chocolate goddess Ms Cleo a BLT ....

 

...because Ms Cleo loves her a blt, yeah baby.

Feeling satisified that the mess of the previous day was well behind him, Carl looked forward, onward, upward..and that is when he saw....

 

...the ransom note.

 

He didn’t know how he was going to pay it. His life had become a shambles and he had to get away from everything. How would his parents take an unannounced return after all these years. Maybe they could give him the money. He remembered the look on his mothers face the last time he left, it was still burned into his mind! Would she ever forgive him…